I recently attended a VIP Open House for Heartstoppers Haunted House in Rancho Cordova.  The attraction is very aptly named. 

I’m a grown ass man.  A family man.  A man of faith.  And I cussed like a bitch trying to get out of that event.  Lord, Jesus.  That was no way to treat a “VIP.”  “VIP” my ass. 

Very specifically, two parts of the attraction killed me:  upstairs was “The Asylum.”  Downstairs, “The Catacombs.”  I can’t honestly tell you about the rest of Heartstoppers Haunted House, because after I flew up those stairs and out of that underground death trap, I ran to my car and bolted.

Here’s the situation:  I’d never been to a “haunted house” attraction before, except for the decidedly G-rated, family-oriented Haunted Mansion attractions at Disneyland and Walt Disney World.  So guess what your boy thought?  I thought that the night’s frights were going to be provided by animatronic figures.  NOT “living,” breathing zombies, etc. 

Like. A. Bitch.   I’d lost my voice by the time I got out of there… from screaming…

And I’m a claustrophobic bitch, so I should have NEVER agreed to go UNDERGROUND into those Catacombs.  NEVER!

For the full story, visit http://www.sacculturalhub.com/item/11555-heartstoppers-haunted-house-in-rancho-cordova-scared-the-out-of-me-nsfw.

Connect with freelancer Michael P Coleman at michaelpcoleman.com, or follow him on Twitter:  @ColemanMichaelP

 

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