I recently attended a VIP Open House for Heartstoppers Haunted House in Rancho Cordova. The attraction is very aptly named.
I’m a grown ass man. A family man. A man of faith. And I cussed like a bitch trying to get out of that event. Lord, Jesus. That was no way to treat a “VIP.” “VIP” my ass.
Very specifically, two parts of the attraction killed me: upstairs was “The Asylum.” Downstairs, “The Catacombs.” I can’t honestly tell you about the rest of Heartstoppers Haunted House, because after I flew up those stairs and out of that underground death trap, I ran to my car and bolted.
Here’s the situation: I’d never been to a “haunted house” attraction before, except for the decidedly G-rated, family-oriented Haunted Mansion attractions at Disneyland and Walt Disney World. So guess what your boy thought? I thought that the night’s frights were going to be provided by animatronic figures. NOT “living,” breathing zombies, etc.
Like. A. Bitch. I’d lost my voice by the time I got out of there… from screaming…
And I’m a claustrophobic bitch, so I should have NEVER agreed to go UNDERGROUND into those Catacombs. NEVER!
For the full story, visit http://www.sacculturalhub.com/item/11555-heartstoppers-haunted-house-in-rancho-cordova-scared-the-out-of-me-nsfw.
Connect with freelancer Michael P Coleman at michaelpcoleman.com, or follow him on Twitter: @ColemanMichaelP.
