COVID Convos — Fat People Should Not Be Hoarding Groceries

by Michael P Coleman

COVID Convos is a series of original columns conceptualized to give you something else to think about as we manage the coronavirus pandemic. Hopefully, they will provide you with a different perspective about an issue related to the crisis…or a brief smile. Remember, with COVID-19: this too shall pass.

Just like someone who has tested positive for coronavirus, I have to get something out of my system so I can get on with my life.

As we all manage the pandemic, panic shopping and the associated hoarding of food and (very curiously) toilet paper has captured my attention.

While there are compelling reasons for some of us, like those in large families or families for whom the commute to the grocery story is or would be a challenge, to buy extra groceries, by and large the hoarding that has occurred is nonsensical.

And with some of the things I’ve witnessed, both in person and via social and broadcast media, can we all just agree:

Fat people do not need to hoard food.

Let me say it again, if only to justify the pending email and tweets:

FAT PEOPLE SHOULD NOT PANIC SHOP AND HOARD FOOD.

Why would anyone differentiate between the overweight and everyone else on this issue? It’s simple: fat people have been hoarding excess food for years. Instead of storing it in our pantries, cupboards, refrigerators, and freezers, we’ve been storing it on our bellies, hips, and behinds. I’ve personally been storing excess food on my ass since 1974.

C’mon, you know whether I’m talking to you. You knew you weren’t a size two or a 31 inch waist when you pulled on those jeans this morning.

If your feelings aren’t too hurt — or you want a few good, much needed laughs — read MPC’s full column here.