Try to name another Miss America besides Vanessa Williams. You can’t. Who even won this year? I’m not kidding; I actually watched and I don’t know the name of the person who won. I mean, I could definitely Google it, but without Googling it, all I know is that Vanessa Williams was there. And that one of the gowns had a crop top.

What is even the point of the Miss America competition in 2015? Don’t say scholarships. John Oliver proved that isn’t true. Even if it was, making women wear bikinis to win money for college is only slightly less barbaric than if it was just a sandwich-making pageant judged by Hugh Hefner’s penis.

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