By Michael P Coleman
One of the scariest sights I saw in the new Halloween was one of the families walking into the theatre. It was a couple with a kid that appeared to be eight or nine years old. Who takes a kid that young to a movie like that, on a school night no less?
“A movie like that.”
It won’t be hard for me to write one of my “spoiler-free” reviews for this one.
Halloween is a direct sequel to the classic 1978 slasher film of the same title. Walking into the movie, you know a few things about what’s in store:
- A bloody knife is included. A really, really bloody knife. They’re called “slasher” films for a reason.
- The movie will include the rapid fire editing, jarring sound effects, and false alarms that are critical components of any good horror movie, all interspersed with the real deal.
- Michael Myers is the real deal. (Rarely have I been so ashamed to share a name with someone. I need to listen to MJ’s “Thriller” and try to forget about it.)
- Everyone who is alive at the beginning of Halloween won’t be alive by the end.
Here’s what I knew walking out of the film:
- Mike Myers is the best fitness trainer this side of Shaun T. I did so much stress eating during the two hours I watched Halloween that I got up at 6am the next morning to hit the gym.
- I may never use a public bathroom stall again.
- I will never look at motion sensor flood lights the same way again.
- I need to start saving for a major kitchen remodel.
- I may, for the first time ever, not pass out candy for Halloween. How do I know that Myers won’t be on the other side of that door when I open it?
I don’t. I really don’t. An evening of passing out Snickers bars could end very, very badly.
Jamie Lee Curtis reprises her starring role in this new movie, which is kinda a Halloween / Aliens mash-up. If you’ve seen the original, you know why she’s so shaken. She has a couple of lines that should become catch phrases. But I don’t think I ever want to hear anyone say “Happy Halloween, Michael” to me again.
See Halloween. But catch a matinee. An early matinee.
Halloween is in theaters everywhere.
Freelance writer Michael P Coleman is hiding somewhere in his house, waiting for November 1. If you need him before then, go to michaelpcoleman.com, or follow him — but not too closely! — on Twitter: @ColemanMichaelP.
