Process Patience: Be Patient Through Your Process
Contributed by Timberley Randolph
Who knew having a baby would remind me of the process never ending. Let’s rewind 10 months ago, I was super busy working alongside my cousin in catering and going full throttle. It was keeping me busy enough to where I didn’t have to focus on my passions and what I really wanted to do. So, as many people do, when we’re comfortable, we tend to continue working in environments that may be distracting us from what we’re passionate about and our purpose. I was also so busy, I didn’t notice I missed my menstrual. It wasn’t until my husband asked me about it that I realized I was late (like a couple weeks), so I immediately took a test and yes, we were pregnant. Now, for those that know our story, we were pregnant in 2014 but lost our baby due to it being ectopic. It was devastating however; it was a process that we learned and grew from. So, we are having a baby, what do I do now? This is a question I asked myself every single day. I knew I wouldn’t be able to go full throttle anymore with catering so adjustments needed to happen. I went from full service to only prepping and cooking, which I could handle. But, like most companies, when you do less, you make less and I wasn’t necessarily “ok” with that but the safety of my child took precedence. Now, the excitement has settled and preparations for baby Lane began to overtake our lives. Every decision from that moment on had to be beneficial for Baby Lane but with that came some frustration and emptiness. I was frustrated because there was so much I wanted to give to Baby Lane, mainly materialistic but our finances were limited which meant having to pass on certain wants. You’re never fully prepared for a baby and things will come as time passes but I wanted to give any and everything to this little person that I hadn’t even met yet. And I began to feel empty because I was realizing I didn’t have my family here with me during this time. And although we prayed and knew God would fulfill his promise to us with a baby, it hadn’t dawned on me (yet) just how perfect His timing was. I was having a conversation with a lady that mentioned she and her husband unfortunately could not naturally conceive so they turned to IVF. I was maybe 5 months at the time and immediately I gave her encouraging words and told her to keep trying and that is when I realized it had been 3 years since our first pregnancy. The past 3 years I went through two transitions: why couldn’t I carry my first baby and let me make sure I am prepared for my next baby.
Why couldn’t I successfully carry my first child was anger, disappointment, feeling like I wasn’t good enough, just constantly beating myself up mentally and emotionally (horrible eating habits, not exercising, etc) and questioning God. I didn’t want to understand why it happened, I just wanted to be upset and hurt. Often times, when we are faced with disappointment, we rarely try to understand and process. We find fault and blame towards someone or something else so we don’t have to check ourselves internally. It’s easier to say ‘why me’ and suckle in pity; wasting time. And for me, that’s what I was doing; wasting time. I played the ‘woe is me’ and ‘why Lord’ song over and over until my husband simply said “we will continue to try and get pregnant but let’s do it different. Let’s focus on being healthier, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally and it will happen. We can’t expect it to happen if we aren’t prepared. “ That was a well I’ll be damn moment (excuse my French). Here I was finding every reason why it didn’t work instead of focusing my energy on how to make it work. So, that’s when I entered the better transition of preparing myself physically to receive the blessing I’d been praying for. With that I changed my eating habits, I removed meats from my diet and sweets. I made it a goal to engage in some form of exercise daily and free myself from the stress of trying to figure out when it will happen. From then on, I was happier, more peaceful, and completely forgot about getting pregnant. I noticed a change in me, a great change. And boom, before I knew it, we were pregnant and because I created a better environment and version of me, i felt more prepared to carry a baby than the first time.
We must always remember that God will forever keep His promises but we have to position ourselves to receive them.
Everyone is pursuing the same things; financial freedom, peace, love, friendship. But what is that key component separating the doers from the wait-ers? The doers being proactive, resilient, focused, while the wait-ers continue to wait for the perfect time to become proactive, resilient and focused. But, the perfect time doesn’t exist. You have to create your space and opportunity in order to actualize your desires. And much like waiters in a diner or restaurant, you’re constantly watching others get what they’ve asked for, courtesy of you waiting on them or simply because they were in position and ready.
- What do you believe is a missing component that may be delaying your successes?
- Have you zoned in to your needs and wants or are you still catering to others?
- Why do you think it’s easier to contribute to someone else’s dream but not yours?
Take some time to accommodate your vision; see how someone can wait on you and ensure you reach you goals.
- Are you in position?
Much like football or any sport, the most important part of any play or run is the player’s position. The player can be the greatest of all time, MVP, top notch athletic ability, an expert at the sport, a team player and the fastest on the field but if having all that doesn’t assist them with getting and remaining in the exact position to catch the ball or complete the play, then it doesn’t matter. God has already designed a path specifically for each one of us but He’s waiting on us to get in position; open and ready to receive everything He has for us. The position may be uncomfortable but it shows our faith in God that we trust His timing. Don’t forget that the only way players know what play is called is by attending practice. Just imagine a player on the field/court guessing what play to run and what to do? I’m not a huge football fan but I can only imagine the confusion and frustration on the coaches and teammates faces. Thank God we can’t confuse or frustrate God (as quickly). I say that to remind you that you have to be in a position of relationship with God. You have to be able to hear His voice (only) through the noise. You have to meet Him in prayer and allow Him to order your steps. There is so much God wants to release unto you but what kind of position are you in? Are your hands up, ready to catch your overflow or are your hands crossed?
Change.
Change is good; it may cause some discomfort but it will always produce something better. A few months into my pregnancy I was both physically uncomfortable with a growing belly and financially uncomfortable, wanting to better my financial situation. Obviously, with a growing belly comes a few aches and pains but I was growing physically tired of the ‘not being able to.’ Not being about to fly my mom out to help with my pregnancy or not being able to go out and buy the little things I wanted for myself and unborn. Not being able to afford having my husband home more. Even the ‘not being able to’ say Process Patience was where I wanted it to be stirred up emotions I didn’t realize existed. It all was becoming so overwhelming. I quickly became aware that a change needed to take place but how, when, what? I did not know. I had a conversation with my husband and he assured me all will fall into place but our priority was a safe and healthy pregnancy so our daughter can enter this world through a safe and healthy delivery. Now, how could I argue with that? It was difficult not to focus on the things I wanted to change (immediately) but since I didn’t have a plan or a clue where to begin, I focused on my pregnancy.
- What is it for you at this very moment that you want to change? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve put it off with every reason why you can’t do it. What matters is this moment; it’s on your mind so write it down.
- Now, what is the first step to making it happen?
I’ve learned and truly believe in writing out whatever it is that you wish to see. If you can put it in to words which require details and structuring (a sentence/statement), it helps you to actualize it. It’s the unsure of how to “put it into words” that tangle us up because we stop there thinking and thinking until we’re exhausted and are no longer willing to try. The moments of high energized creative thought only last for a few seconds so you must figure out to grasp that feeling and contain it to keep you driven and focused. I’ve noticed that I’ll have a great idea but instead of acting on it and writing it down, I mentally tell myself I’ll remember it later and write it out but almost 90% of the time, I do not remember it. And I feel bad because I think God will only give me so many great ideas and high energized creative moments until they’ll just stop. I know I don’t want to lose my ability to create and I don’t want you to either.
Write it to create it. Create it to see it.
How many times have you heard someone say they wrote out their goals or made a vision board and watched as they began to check things off? That concept of believing it before it happens is real. It takes a few moments to write out some goals; be specific about your hearts’ desires. What do you want for your life?
You don’t have to just daydream or fantasize about it anymore, go for it. God is waiting on you to vocalize your desires. It shows Him that you believe in Him enough to trust what He placed in you from the beginning. I think that we tend to talk ourselves out of our dreams and aspirations. Either, we’re too quick to bring it up in conversation with others who could really care less or we sit and think of everything it will take to accomplish our goals and tell ourselves we can’t do it. You have to be careful when sharing the details of your hearts’ desires prematurely. Especially to someone who does not carry the same mental capacity spiritually nor will they even attempt to add value and substance to your plan(s). I understand you’re excited about the vision and want to share it but be picky about whom you plan to entrust the desires of your heart (also known as God’s desires). And when you find yourself beginning to mentally quit before any physical manifesting can begin, stand up and shake it off! Do something immediately that counteracts those thoughts! Don’t even waste energy on a single thing until you have put forth effort towards your goals. Whatever that is, DO IT!
Sacrifices.
I know the word sacrifice scares me a bit. Honestly speaking, when I think of a sacrifice it seems so harsh and violent. Is that too much? I envision having to cut any and everything and everyone off just to enjoy my dreams and goals. Like, entering in to solitude and having complete silence, no interruptions or distractions. That doesn’t scare anyone else but me? Because honestly, that is exactly what God wants from (some of) us. We clutter ourselves too much too often. Actually, I sometimes surround myself with interruptions and distractions just so I won’t have to face the fact that I’m not focused enough or committed enough to completing my tasks that I set for myself. God wants us to hear Him and only Him. He wants us to know His voice so crystal clear that it reflects our voice. There can be no lingering particles of anything not of God and His implanted desires in you. You know how if you touch a crisp mirror with your full hand flat on it and your own reflection disappears? That’s how it needs to be when fulfilling your purpose and standing exactly where God wants you to be at all times. It will take a sacrifice or many sacrifices to allow yourself to disappear in order for God to have non-competing control. For those of you that may believe you’ve relinquished total control to God, think about this for a moment. When you’re waiting for God to move, do you go ahead and “make something happen?” For instance, you’ve prayed and prayed for relocation on your job so you interviewed for a position at a company you’d like to work with but didn’t spend much time researching the city it’s located in. So, fast forward some time, you get the position and swiftly pack up to relocate. You arrive to this new city only to quickly begin to question God and why He has put you in such a place. You’re uncomfortable, you don’t know anyone so what’s the next thing you do? Quit and move back because it was not what you were expecting. Do you see what happened? You took what little control you gave God and began to question Him about something you half-way prayed for. You have to understand that God answers prayers and will give us what we ask for but if we’re not fully equipped or prepared for the answers, we’ll almost never be satisfied and almost always want to give up. This is why when in a transition we have to be aware of the different phases and if we’re lacking in any area of the process, we have to seek God for clarity, direction, and consistency. Remember, sacrifice is key to opening up your space to receive 1) what you’ve prayed and asked God for and 2) proving to God that you are ready.
You want a cup of hot chocolate but the only cup you have is full of water. It’s impossible to ever get that hot chocolate if you’re not willing to pour the water out and present an empty cup. You are the vessel (cup) and the water is anything representing interruptions and distractions. Sacrifice your space, empty yourself for God to give you your hearts’ desires.
- Take a moment to really think about what is interrupting and distracting you. Now, write out your sacrifices. What are you willing to rid yourself of?
Be specific, be be specific.
This is a constant cheer i repeat to myself because it reminds me that specificity means I am sure about what I want and how I want it. If you are unclear about your wants and needs but begin to ask for them, you will find they’re not going to be exactly what you are expecting. If you’re missing details about your goals then rest assure the outcome will too. The only one who can read your mind is God so when asking Him to bless you, put in some work with the details and be specific.
Try it out! How committed are you to your hearts’ desires to zone in on the smallest of smallest detail to the largest to ensure you’re receiving exactly what you see for yourself.
Do no live in or by fear.
Fear can become a motivating factor to succeed. You’re afraid to fail, you’re fearful of the unknown so you never change. You’re too afraid to witness your own successes and see yourself win. Do not let fear push you towards your goals. If you start off being afraid of your greatness, you will not fully commit yourself to obtaining the highest point of greatness. You will be satisfied in the middle. Do not give your midway success a finish line celebration.
Invisible
It has become easier to process this transition by forcing myself to believe my finish line is nearing, it’s just currently invisible. Hence, invisible. Sometimes, it is difficult to push through situations when it seems we’ve been enduring for so long. We train ourselves into thinking trouble will last and I’m never going to make it out. I’ve entertained a few conversations with individuals that believe there is no purpose in writing out goals because it’s a set up to fail. I didn’t argue with them because everyone is entitled to an opinion. I simply challenged them to think of a time in their life when they had to meet a deadline (assuming most people completed projects in school or any assignment for that matter). They were given the task and what needed to be done and completed it. Now, whether or not they wrote out the deadline didn’t really matter. I just wanted to provide them with an example of when they had a goal and did what was necessary to complete it on time. I’m a firm believer that it takes (most) people to see something done in their own life before they can believe it. Which I’ve learned is unfortunate since people are accomplishing goals and reaching their invisibility everyday which should spark a re-up of energy for that second or third leg to see it to the end for anyone witnessing.
I swear, since writing Process Patience, I’ve heard those two words more and more everyday. I’m constantly being reminded of my own process and the outcome I wish to see.
It comes a point in life when you just have to throw your hands up and surrender
With all that is going on in the world, in your home, work, etc why stress yourself out more by trying to handle it all when you can just surrender? Surrender to the One who has already worked it out.
It amazes me when I sit and try to figure out how something will work; I mean pulling my hair out and biting my nails to the numb. It’s frustrating. I’m mad at everyone. I have a headache. Just stressed.
But then I’m reminded that I’m not in control. I have Faith for a reason. I trust God for a reason. And because I have those two things, I have to relinquish control.
Everything may not work out when I think it needs to but believe me it will be right on time. I had great news on Sunday and expected it to happen on Wednesday but when it didn’t the doubt set it, the frustration, the fear. But I just cannot operate like that anymore.
In those times, all I can do is surrender and put my faith on it. I worry myself even more trying to take control than just letting God do what He does best. We should run to God in tears, our hands stretched knowing that He has us in His hands.
Just like a parent wants their child to run to them for comfort and help if they fall off their bike or need help with homework, God wants us to seek Him first. Seek His word. Call out to Him. Wait for His response.
Change your life by changing your thinking. It may seem a little crazy but do it. Do it boldly. Do it with confidence. Do it without hesitation. Just hand it over. Who better than Him? I know I’m tired, aren’t you.
Just release it. Surrender it ALL. Don’t miss your chance on allowing God to change your situation, your life. It will not be temporary.
But for all time!
Let God do it!
Be patient with me. I’m still processing patience.
It’s not for tomorrow or this year but for ALL time!
At this point, you are more prepared to set your sight on seeing this transition all the way through to the end.
So, now I want you to write out your story. From this moment on how do you envision your day to day? What state are you living in? Family, husband or children? What is your day to day business activities like? What kind of home/house do you wake up and go to sleep in? What kind of car (color, make, model) are you driving around in? Or do you have a chauffeur?
God Bless
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