by Contributing Writer Kula Koenig
Here’s what I, a cis gender, able bodied black woman was reminded of while partying the Friday after Thanksgiving at Mango’s Nightclub:
Reminder #1: Don’t You Dare Bring Up Gender Neutral Bathrooms!
I go to the women’s restroom and of course there’s a line. Nature was ringing hard so I darted into the men’s restroom (which per usual had no line) and did my business in an unoccupied stall. As I came out after an uneventful trip to the restroom, a male and female bouncer hastily approached me.The male bouncer issued me a warning and said I was not allowed to go into the men’s restroom for my protection. As they walked with me back to my VIP booth, he continued on about how it was only “fair” and “equal” for me to wait in line.
As someone who works for equity and social justice, I began to engage the bouncer in conversation about how having gender neutral restrooms would be equal and how having more stalls in the women’s restrooms would be more equitable.
The female bouncer didn’t like that and immediately said I had to leave the club just seconds after I was told I would simply be given a warning. I’m summarily ordered out of the side door and not allowed to retrieve my belongings or alert my friends.
Reminder #2: The Most Disrespected Person in America is the Black Woman
Unbeknownst to me, while I was outside, the same female bouncer told my friend, another Black woman, that she too had to leave the club after an incident where my friend was pushed by another club patron. Instead of the bouncer investigating the matter, there was an assumption made that my friend was somehow at fault.
I contacted the promoter with whom I booked the VIP table and was told the owner would call me and my friend regarding the incident. The owner spoke with my friend’s husband, who happens to be White, and was very apologetic and deferential. I did not have that experience.
Reminder #3: Misogyny is Real AF…”Am I talking to Donald Trump?”
When the owner called me it was evident by his behavior that he had already formed an opinion. He did not let me speak and told me I should be grateful that I received a refund. (It’s not about money!)
He said gender neutral restrooms were impractical and that “nobody does that except gay clubs.” He continued that I should not have listened to his guard because she “only makes $12 an hour.” I don’t care how much his bouncer makes. Also, if I did not follow the bouncer’s directions to leave the club law enforcement would likely have been called.
After oscillating between asking me to come back to the club and saying that I should be grateful for his refund, he began to talk about how this was “not a race thing” and that he too grew up in the projects (because if you didn’t know, all Black people grew up in the projects–side eye).
End of conversation.
Reminder #4: Mango’s Nightclub Messed with the RIGHT Black Woman
A few things come to mind as I reflect:
- Why is it okay for women to stand in long lines in bars/clubs while men get to go in and out. It’s 2020!!
- What about our transgender brothers and sisters? Which restroom should they have been allowed to enter without having a guard pounce and ask them to leave?
- When will clubs address the hypervigilance they conduct on black people? When will they learn how to deescalate situations instead of escalating them? This is not the first time Sac clubs have been in hot water for how they treat Black women.
- Where can grown black folks go in Sacramento to dance and have a good two-stepping time?
Reminder #5: We Need to Start Our Own Ish
Interested in investing in a club/lounge in Sacramento for black people to have a black a** time, (and where men gotta wait in line if women do!)? E-mail blackinsactown@gmail.com.
Kula is an activist. Currently, she serves as program director for the United Way California Capital Region directing the Square One project –an initiative to end poverty through education. She has held positions as lobbyist, district director in the CA State Assembly, and political campaign coordinator. She is president of the Sacramento chapter of Black Women Organized for Political Action (BWOPA) and is passionate about black women being in positions to influence policy. Kula loves deadlifts, dancing, and eating (plantain chips and Liberian food).
